He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
Randomize