I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Randomize
