...so i touched it.
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
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