You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
