now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
Randomize
