he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
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