17 year olds will be the death of me.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
