I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize