dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
Randomize
