i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
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