and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Randomize
