i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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