I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Randomize
