so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
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