haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
I came so hard my ears popped.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
