I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
Randomize
