Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize