I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
you inspire me to be a worse person
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
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