I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
No awkward lesbian experiences without me
wanna go halves on a baby?
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Randomize
