I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
