I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
