Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Randomize
