i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
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