It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
