Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Randomize
