OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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