I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
