Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize