remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
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