he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Randomize
