I just made out with a guy for $7.
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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