Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
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