K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
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