he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
Bring me that man meat
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
