just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Randomize