i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
