I never want to see another naked old woman again.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
