I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
Randomize
