At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
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