I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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