hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
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