Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
Randomize
