i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Randomize
