This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
