dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
if only i could text you this smell
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
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