Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
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