You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
