already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
