Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
