If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Randomize