I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
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