i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
Can I color on your dick again?
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Randomize
