I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
my liver is dry heaving
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
