I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
I need to wash the frat house off of me
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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