I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Randomize
