Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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