I didn't shave. On purpose
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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