Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
Randomize