I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Randomize
