My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
I'm having to shit out rocks
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