I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Randomize