Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
