Walk of Shame. In a state park.
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
We got so high we made milksteak
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
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