Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Randomize
