Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
