Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Randomize
