Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
