He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
Randomize
