Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
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