ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
Damn victory sex feels great
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
Randomize
