Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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