elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
I lost the right to judge tonight
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Randomize
