Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
Every concussion has its silver lining
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
