He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
is it fun? or sober?
Randomize
