i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Randomize
