Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
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