i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
And then he peed in my hair
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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