I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
Randomize
