I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
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