Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
Randomize
