Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
Randomize
