My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Randomize