My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
