Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
Terrible idea I love it
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
