fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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