Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
Thank you for not boning my boss.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Randomize
