i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize
