I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize