he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Randomize
