you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
