Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
